A Quiet Crisis

Just as working mothers lied about child care problems years ago, today’s dutiful sons and daughters don’t want to tell the boss they have to leave work early attend a helpless parent.

AMY GAGE STAFF COLUMNIST

At age 53, her two children grown, the woman thought she could work full-bore until retirement.  She relished the thought of giving time to a career that sometimes got the back seat in her life.

Then her 87-year-old mother fell and broke her back.  “It happens one day, an injury or an illness.  And it’s just, ‘bang!’ It’s all over with,” says the woman, a non-profit manager who doesn’t want to see her name in print.

She fears her colleagues will think her less committed and competent.  She worries about the future of her career.

That reticence is typical of workers struggling to find time for elder care.  Just as working mothers lied about child care problems years ago, today’s dutiful sons and daughters don’t want to tell the boss they have to leave work early to attend a helpless parent.

The guilt, shame, sadness and anger often are too much to express.

“Elder care is the dirty little secret in the workplace,” says Robert Pearson, national program director for CareQuest in Neenah, Wisconsin, an employee assistance program that focuses on elder care.  (It’s Web site is www.bridge-link.com.)

“You’re afraid to tell your employer; today elder care equals vulnerability,” he adds.

No elder care expert would say that raising a child is easy.  But, in nine-month pregnancy or a long adoption process, prospective parents have some time to adjust.

Often, there’s no planning for elder care issues.  Grown siblings don’t want to face the inevitable till it arrives, so finances and living arrangements are never discussed.  Older parents stubbornly maintain their independence, sometimes long past the time when it is prudent for them to live alone.

All of that compounds the stress for the caregiver, who often is female and employed. 

Eleven percent of people caring for elderly relatives take a leave of absence from work, says a survey by the National Alliance for Caregiving and the American Association of Retired Persons.

Seven percent opt to work fewer hours, and 10 percent take early retirement or quit their jobs.

Lost productivity adds op to mare than $3,100 annually for every employee who has to drive elderly relatives to appointments, search the Web for services or spend time on the phone.

Employers can help.  Large companies such as Medtronic and 3M increasingly provide information on nursing homes, home health aides and long-term care insurance via the company intranet.  Noon classes or even a table with pamphlets are more affordable for small companies.

Pearson charges a dollar per employee per month for what he calls his total solution.  Employees consult with a master’s-level clinician who has a background in gerontology.  CareQuest sends a registered nurse to see the aging parent and determine what services he or she needs.

Ten percent of employees who have access to the service actually used it, Pearson says.  That’s more than triple the use for most elder care programs at a workplace. 

By 2030, 9 million Americans will be 85 or older, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.  Some experts say elder care will make child care look easy by comparison.

“I have friends whose parents are dropping like dominos, one after the other,” says the manager, who visits her aging mother daily.  “This is the next big work-life issue.”